Everyone knows how to shave the triangle, but how to shave your balls? That’s the kind of thing that only trained professionals can do, right?

Wrong!

In five short steps, we’ll teach you how to shave your balls like a pro! No nicks or scrapes, no razor burn, no bumps no nothin’! Just clean, smooth, baby bottom balls in ten minutes flat! Nut up and read on!

Step One- Get yourself a warm wash cloth

Pubic hair is kind of coarse and tough. If you’ve ever tried shaving the ol’ knapsack before and wound up with red bumps or irritated skin, it’s probably because you just jumped right in with the foam and razor.

What you want to do is take a warm wash cloth, soak it in hot water for a couple minutes, and then apply it to the family jewels for a couple more minutes. This softens up the Short’n’Curlies for an easier, closer shave with less irritation.

Step Two- Use your girlfriend’s shaving foam/gel

The plain white lather you use on your face is great for beard hair, but trust us, you want something moisturizing for the ol’ wedding tackle. You may want to borrow one of her razors, too. And by “borrow”, we mean make sure to grab a fresh one, and then don’t give it back to her because she’s not gonna want it.

Step Three- Pull the skin tight

This one’s kind of a no-brainer, right? You pull the skin on your face tight when you shave, well you want to do the same thing if you want to learn how to shave your balls the right way. Otherwise you’re going to get a weird, uneven shave, and, if we can coin a phrase here, a “scrot-tee” just looks silly.

Step Four- Take your time!

The scrotum is probably the trickiest part of the body to shave because… it’s all skin. No muscle or bone underneath to keep it firm, no nothin’. So take your time, don’t rush it, and for heaven’s sake, be careful! If you can only get a centimetre at a time, so be it. Don’t worry, you’ll get quicker the more you practice.

Step Five- Do it daily, but skip a day

If you shave again the day after your first Mister Clean, you’re going to irritate the fresh skin that had theretofore been protected by a layer of lush, luxurious hair. You may be in a hurry to keep practicing now that you know how to shave your balls, but take a day off or you’ll wind up with those nasty red bumps.

So two days after, and every day or every other day after that, you’ll want to do it again, because when it grows back, it itches. Think of it like a five o’ clock shadow rubbing up against your tallywhacker all day (so if you change your mind, be prepared for a day or two of your buddies making fun of your constant ball-scratching while the hair comes back in).

So there you have it! If you follow all these instructions, you should now be a pro when it comes to knowing how to shave your balls! Good luck and godspeed!